Essentially Wild Magic

Waves like forgotten music ripple through me

Pink bubbles and being filled with golden light

Volcanic creation coupled with the gentlest touch 

Kneeling down in awe when glimpsing the first Pasque

The firs Iris

The first Monkshood

Your laughter fills the skies when naming constellations

Catching falling stars on your upturned face

Quickening as lightening slashes the sky

And thunder catches you up in an embrace.

The rushing river scoops you up in delight

Tossing you in the air and catching you, ever so gently,

To place you back on shore 

Where your dance joins with fairy circles and mountain lions

Soaring in exultation, touching down lightly

Your heart joins my heart becomes our heart.

In a perfect dance of union.

Imagine Freedom

Moving As Listening, Moving As Creating

Listening invites a pause.

Stillness becomes a resource.

Creating is the movement.

Stillness creates space to hear our soul’s call, and as we rush about in an ever-increasing technological haze our capacity to listen, deeply listen, is compromised.  Slowing down and moving into our bodies through the practice of bridging the visible with the invisible asks us to live in depth, going deeper into the land of the sacred, the place where our intuition can guide us. This then becomes the space we need to listen, to hear, to respond to our soul’s call for healing. Explicit in this movement practice is a bridge between worlds that challenges the distance we have travelled away from ourselves and puts out the call to come home to our moving bodies, becoming the space we need to listen, to hear, and to move in response to the wisdom of the moving body.

We experience the world through our bodies. But we have abandoned the wisdom alive and waiting for us in our bodies. Our senses have become dulled, our feelings a distant memory and our capacity to relate to our lives through our bodies deeply diminished. Moving with awareness, moving with attention to rising impulses grows our capacity to be in authentic relationship with who we are, making us available to be in relationship with who you are.

Listening, tasting, touching, feeling, thinking, smelling are part of our sensate experience of the world. They are rarely singular sensations. Our smelling often involves tasting, our listening often involves feeling, our touching often involves heightened awareness of something outside of ourselves (thought) yet too many times we separate and become singular in our naming of what we notice. This happens in the sensate world and it happens in the ways in which we attend to sensation, impulse, and feelings in our bodies. Too often we define our world in terms of polarity, either/or, this or that and create a battleground on which to learn about ourselves, interact with each other and ascribe meaning to the world. No one just breathes out. No one just breathes in. It is the relationship between the inbreath and the outbreath that creates a third thing, a something we call life. As we drop into the EXPERIENCE of our moving bodies, a bridge begins to build that is made up of something else, creating a different possibility that includes, discovers the ‘and’ of life, collaborates, and begins to participate with an emerging process.

 

Listen to what you taste, taste what you smell, smell what you see, see what you touch and touch with thoughtful awareness. Allow all your senses to be immersed in the process of attending to what emerges. Surrender to following the impulse rather than anticipating it or racing ahead or imposing what you think is the better idea. Allow yourself to be revealed. What do you actually see looking within? What do you taste? What is your scent? What are you listening for? What do you hear? How do you feel? What thought thread are you following?

 

Moving with awareness is inclusive. It does not separate out this or that. It is a surrender to what is arising in the moment. As our awareness grows and includes, so does our capacity to immerse ourselves in the experience of this present moment creating itself for us. There is a moment when we fall just a breath behind an impulse or thought, allowing ourselves to be surprised, to be flung about, to be expressed. Facing inwards, we move out. We follow a single impulse and let it evolve without knowing what, when or how it will change or where it might go. We simply follow and allow. No one has to call the past forward nor can we live in the future. If there is healing to be done, it happens in the present moment.   If there are feelings to be felt, this happens in the present moment. If your body calls the past forward, it is happening in this present moment. If you are projecting into the future, it is happening in this present moment.

 

This moment, authentically and truly, is your embodied experience of life. As movement rises and passes away, a bridge begins to build between your inner experience and your outer expression. Taking your awareness with you every gesture, every breath, every step of the way, cultivate curiosity without knowing, surrender without imposing, follow without anticipating and experience your life as a revelation.

 

Quiet

angel wings whispering the silence of falling rain
i empty my old house to build a new one following the ancient wisdom of the ammonite as
thoughts of you brush the insides of my eyelidsIMG_0416

Reflections on Death

Through an invitation from Shiloh Sophia during the Imagine painting process, my painting turned, burnished into depth and color that touches fear with love and became a meditation that continues into this day, and this day, and this…

IMG_0407

molting archetype
feathers falling
phoenix burning
words burned, burnished into the canvas as each mark, each golden speck creates space for whatever next is rising
I do not know how to let my house burn with as much faith as the phoenix has

Though the image comes, constantly, onto the canvas so, I think, somewhere I must know
know that the willingness to let go of absolutely everything
to lose it all
is my stepping off the shore into the middle of the current that leaps and frolics – alive and radiant beyond the constructs of my mind – the grief is real, leaves stretch marks on the canvas and I remember your face, your touch, your voice, your invitation to live in freedom.
I am already there
yet form takes over and straddles the night sky
beckoning me to dance with abandon
each star a mark in the sky teaching me to bend down low
to reach up high
and listen, listen. listen.
the night sky is breathing me, the night sky breathes me
and death already knows me intimately.

Questions and a Prayer

Many questions percolate through my days…
what serves?  What doesn’t? What is important and how do I want to live inside of that rather than outside of it? How do I continue to reveal my own voice in world? In love? In my own life? And can I do anything else? How do I take care of those I love and include myself in the conversation? How do I love?  How do I keep my heart open when many times I simply want to curl up and turn my face away from the world?  And sometimes the question is as simply as a prayer – may I please feel love tonight as I fall asleep and may all beings be well.IMG_0340

Beginning Again

I felt the need to begin at the beginning today and so began a new canvas for a year and a day beginning with words that I so want to pour out into the world and especially to my daughter, Maia – Bold. Exuberant. Initiated. Alive. Listening. Engaged. I was, and am, feeling the perfect storm that is the catalyst for change, transformation, our soul’s evolution and and our personal calibration to the larger story.  Here are two pieces from today – one big canvas and a smaller one that named itself ‘the uninitiated to the initiated”.
img_0324.jpgIMG_0322Slowly emerging out of the cocoon the imaginal cells teach me as I dream:
This is the winged life
and what was dead
is brimming with life
contained
no longer let loose at
the ebbing and flowing of the sea
the waxing and waning of the moon
instead, a resource for full ascension.

Painting Over the Precipice

Thank you for the reminder to step away.  Thank you for the reminder to breathe.  And thank you for the reminder to bring curiosity to the forefront so that I could stay deep in the conversation as I was buffeted about with old stories, ancient beliefs.

With your penetrating and unwavering gaze you dropped me into a level of self-hatred that had gone so far underground I no longer knew any part of me was still drinking from that poisoned well. Caught in your gaze, feeling my own inadequacies in an effort to place you in the cosmos amidst luminous light beings and to grow a garden all around you the well of self-hatred became a surging fountain.  I wanted to destroy you, to destroy me, to destroy that in me that cannot hold the magnificence and fierceness of you right alongside the pain of emerging out of this chrysalis state.  With guidance, I dropped into the red thread of my heart connecting me.  i painted my way over the precipice hearing the calls of every woman reminding me to breather, take a step back, ask your questions and be willing to sit long enough in the silence between words to hear your soul’s call, to hear the whispering of your muse as counter point to any belief that who you are and what you do doesn’t matter.

As I stared back at you, I felt something break free in me and it was as loud as the Bosphorus, frozen all winter, breaking free of its frozen state.  A feather floated to the surface and I saw myself reflected – still trying to be someone else, still thinking that being anybody other than me was the better idea.  memory after memory floated to the surface of all the times I had attempted to disappear myself only to see how bright and resilient and fierce and elemental the me I recognize as me is – undaunted by any and every attempt to be annihilated.  And this image in front of me shouts that out loudly to me and asks – will you refuse this?  Will you refuse me who walks in gardens, flowers blossoming with every step I take even as I live in the heavens amidst luminous light beings?

I am heaven in earth

I am the transparent wings of every angel that soared the sky

I am the birth of every new star

I am unwavering

I am fiercely love

I will emerge

I will be seen in your image, through your hands.

I will be born out of your heart.

IMG_0278

 

Luminous Beings

Luminous light beings.  Strands of my heart that stream out into the universe vulnerable to hatred, vulnerable to ridicule and disdain.  I would protect you at all costs.  I would obscure you so no war comes to you, make you invisible to derision, hide you in the deepest recesses of my heart so you are not harmed.  And today I know that in doing so I am hiding myself from the tender strands of angelic magic moving out into the world, kissing moments with kindness, moving with care the invisible into the visible… I am undone in the best possible way through the image of you and the deepest love springs forth.

She Swallowed a Star and Her Heart Flew Out of Her Mouth: A Red Thread House of Belonging Circle

It began with a question – how are each of us bound by our own thoughts, the culture we are raised in and the influence of lineage?  Sitting within a circle of woman, we settled in together, knowing we had the evening and all the next day to explore, create and move with our inquiry.  There was an out breath, a moment when we looked at each other and knew that this was sacred time, time set aside for our personal and collective healing around the feelings of being bound, of being owned, of being abused, of learning to take back our voices and create our own houses of belonging, a place in our hearts where we were safe as women.

The conversations were rich and deep, the visual explorations on paper extraordinary and the movement that graced us all was one of solidarity, communion and wonder at the blessings that we all felt showered with at the end of our time.  The workshop ended with an integration dance with the men who had also had an evening and a day to explore their place in the wheels of time as men, in this moment.

What follows are images from the day as well as a video of the dance that my daughter and I choreographed and taught to the women during the workshop.  It is as an invitation to all of humanity to be a voice for love, for being open hearts, for belonging.