I face forward these days, listening deeply to the call of the wild, the whispers on the wind, the songs the whales sing in honor, in grief, in hope.

I face forward these days, knowing nothing, risking everything, to hear the true note of my soul that echoes the universes’ call.

I step forward onto a path that only emerges when I take a step.  

It wasn’t always like this. 

Many, many years ago I was born into a crippled family.  The ugliness and challenge of life had strangled their heartbeats, broken their bones, and stifled any act of kindness before it could take root.  I was a golden burst of life in their midst trailing clouds of glory, beaming love. I walked, I ran, I laughed, I sparkled, I took delight in beauty, in the wonder of being.  I was not to be tolerated.  Poison began to drip out of their mouths into my openhands where it seeped into my bones until I was consuming and consumed by toxic words and fumes.  I began to limp with the wounds of unlovable, unwanted, unworthy, monster and I began to walk backwards into my life, never facing forwards but always facing backwards, taking their poison with me, keeping it current in the present by dragging it behind me, forgetting there was anything but my past defining my present.

And then something happened.  I started dancing and while dancing I found myself facing a different direction – a direction that sparkled with Yes! That beckoned with yes, you!  Desire grew in me to follow that direction – a path towards revealing currents I only remembered, a path towards unveiling the bone truth of my soul in all its glory, no compromise.  I looked around and knew that this was the path I wanted to nurture into deep aliveness with heart, with love, with companions.  I took a deep breath.  I had to trust that I was not a mistake, that I was needed and wanted and that the path that beckoned was a path of belonging.  I took another breath and a step, feeling the past begin to fade into the past.  

As that happened, I began to dissolve and I began to spin, faster and faster.  As I spun, gossamer threads of gold and silver began to wrap around me, weaving with all the colors of the universe to form a chrysalis around me where I could rest, where I could reimagine my selves into a life becoming. I was enveloped in warmth, held as the most precious being, to be cared for and nourished, loved and loved some more.  I let go of the knowing the past defines my present future.  I let go of knowing. I let go and I let go until I was no longer in any form I recognized.

Resting, I heard the deep boom of the ocean crashing into a hollow cave echoing and reverberating through out time, deeply pulsing with the fiery core of creation and knew, in that moment, that my chrysalis was made of the molten lava at the earth’s core and that I was part of creation itself in the creating.

.