Soul initiation begins
with arrival
and a raging fire
my heart aches
and flowers blossom
I list another thing buried in the fire
and hear my daughter’s laughter
I sink, feeling sorry for myself
and glance up to see the face of my beloved
I walk charred land
and see the green grasses pushing forth
responding to the rain
the shadows lurk, beckoning
and the generosity of creative hands continues to flow, piercing the dark
a part of my soul splits off
and the voice of a friend calls me back
offering solace
offering words of grace
offering love
offering a way forward.
On October 27, 2019 I was resting in the cool spring of New Zealand when fires raged and surged through my home in Northern California. I received a phone call around midnight telling me to turn on the news and there I saw my house – my home, my children’s home, my painting studio and all it contained, my quilting studio and all that it contained, my kitchen where so many souls had learned to make bread, boil water, feed others – become a fire offering to the the heavens. I let the wave of grief crash over me and then become muted as I grappled with the reality of fire consuming the artifacts of a life well lived, of art, of pictures, of books that I had written for my daughters, 20 years of living and teaching on the land many of us knew as Maacama, home of many, many people over the years. Shock settled in as I registered the staggering loss of ‘stuff’ that had filled a house, a studio, a retreat center, a garden…with beauty, with the warmth of family growing through the years, artist daughters first writings, first paintings, first musical notes, first croissants…
On November 3, 2019 I walked the charred land and felt the current of the land, released from all that had stood on it, contained it, shivering and shaking in the aftermath of the fire. Burnt trees, dissolved water tanks, my kitchen in a mess of ash and broken shards of pottery, a page from a book peeking out through burnt edges as I stepped gingerly on top of what was left of my house.
Today, December 28, 2019, the land is mostly cleared of all the debris. One building remains standing of fifteen and there are dreams of creating home there. Much remains uncertain as I wander a bit lost through my days – two of my quilts were rescued and six of my paintings. I am slowly moving towards creating again – two wooden panels wait for me, waiting to be gessoed and filled with the fire of the present moment.
With so much love and appreciation,
Wild blessings my friends!
Cassielle
contact information:
cassie@seedpods.org
